Sunday, November 8, 2015

For My Daughters

Traveling for work is getting old and exhausting.  I am thankful that I will be home for several weeks soon.  I have been so busy that I have failed to post a blog post and the girls have asked a couple of times when I will do the next one.  They didn't know that I have been working on a writing project for them, but I am giving them (and you all) a sneak peak at the project tonight.  I am writing out my thoughts, feelings, and quotes on a variety of things that I wish I had better understood when I was their age.  If there are any topics that you would like to have heard from your mom or a trusted adult about when you were a teenager, please leave a comment.  I would love more ideas.  This collection of writings starts with a letter that I have written to my girls:

My (not so) Little Ladies,

Often as I travel, I find myself with time to think and so much of that time spent thinking I end up thinking about you.  I think about the silly happy moments we have shared and memories we have made as a family.  I think about how much I feel truly blessed to be your mom and that despite all of my short comings, you still love me.  I think about what makes you happy and how much you have each grown.  I think about what troubles you and what makes you sad.  My heart aches when your heart aches.  I hurt when you hurt and I often wish I could take away all of the negative things in life so that you would only have to experience the joys and pleasures.  Then I remember, most of what I love and appreciate most has been formed by my life experiences both good and bad. 

I love and appreciate your father because of the role he has played in my life.  He is the first man that made me feel truly safe, protected, and loved.  Neither he nor I are perfect.  We had our fair share, maybe a tad more, of trials in our early married life.  Working through those trials together, growing together and choosing to forgive and love is what has made us so strong and happy together.  If we stayed at the same level of love that we had when we got married, we might be happy and fine together but that love I felt for your father when we first got married is nothing compared to what I feel for him now.  Because we have experienced the ups and downs of life and trials together we have grown together and our love and bond is stronger than I had ever imagined.  I am thankful for those trials that strengthened us.

We haven’t always made the best parenting decisions, I am sure you each would agree, but we try our best every day to be the parents you need, not necessarily the one you want.  We have always and will always love each of you.  You are all three very different from each other, unique in who you are.  I cannot describe the amount of love I feel for each of you.  I have spent hours trying to put into words how I feel and the best that I can come up with is that each of you holds a place in my heart that will forever feel empty if I lost you.  I love that you occasionally still ask to be snuggled and sometimes even let me sing to you even though you are teenagers. I love you to the moon and back, more than you love me, times 5 hundred million thousand, and all of those silly things we used to say.  I am truly thankful for the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ and our belief in eternal families.  An eternity with you is not long enough. 

In all my time thinking about you and trying to find a way to communicate all that I think and feel for you, I have come up with a list of things that I hope to share with you.  These are things that I have either learned or wished I had understood when I was younger.  These are things that have become very important to me and things that strengthen me.  They are things that I know will bring you a balance of peace and harmony in your life so you can find and embrace true happiness and love.  There is no amount of money or possessions that will bring you greater happiness than finding peace with yourself and those you love.  I hope this collection of thoughts will bring you that peace in hard times, remind you of your infinite worth, and the potential that you possess.

Thank you for the love you share with me, teaching me how to be a parent, and all of the happiness you bring to our family.

Love you forever,

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